Complications

"i don't wanna wait for our lives to be over.." hmm... i asked for three days to think and hybernate. so, i'm on my second day but I still haven't decided what to do. i'm just NUMB to it all. and i just want another smoke. take note hindi ako smoker, that's how depressed I am right now. = ( I honestly don't want ro decide on anything right now. gusto ko lang routine lahat sana muna.. and sana he just won't come back after those three days para minsanang bagsak nung sakit. mas madali ang recovery ko nun. I had only loved twice life so far. That was before him. Now, he is my third. Hindi kasi ako kaagad naiinlove sa isang tao. Ngayon lang nanaman ako tinamaan since 07. ewan ko... i'm not in the mood to write. till next time. bye

Hybernation

i love him. of course he doesn't love me back. classic! i am not really in the mood to write a "normal" blog and really you wouldn't understand some or most parts of this paper. This is my random brain at work. Simply put, i am hurt. This is my outlet. I remember inang mumbling about low class mortals. haha! you got that right. We are officially a magnet don't you agree? Worse, of the opposite gravity. Nice! Science and technology could never explain this. Nor do we really give a damn if they do. Most probably by then, we're smoking cigs and feeling better. Ah life! How we love roller coasters! The funniest and most insane thing there is it's FREE! haha. Before I mumble further, i love you my friends. You're the most predictable weather there is. Of this part,I am utterly blessed. Remember, i love you all for that. So, yes i love him! i am fucking inlove. And i do not know what to do. I haven't felt this thing since 2007. Those darn butterflies are back. How do i keep them off? when i feel the waves of his heart are not parallel to mine. = (
Hindi ko ito kayang daanin sa tatlong araw tulad ng dati. And honestly I do not know how to continue writing this.. help me?

Isang Munting Handog

umapak ako ng kolehiyo.punong puno ng pangarap at idelohiyo.
gusto ko maging nars,inhinyero o di kaya guro.
oo, magiging guro ako!
tulad ni emil na idolo ko.

leksyon ng katinuan,kagaguhan at kalokohan siyang naitanim sa utak kong musmos.
ganuon pa man, ako'y bumuo ng pangarap
hindi lamang ako ay magiging guro,
ako ay magiging abogado.

eto ang mga natutunan ko sa idolo ko,
hanapin mo kung sino ka sa mundong ito.
kung nasaan ang tinatawag mong iyo.
nang walang inaapakang mga tao.
at kahit baluktot ang iyong isip at gawa, ang resulta ay maganda.
higit sa lahat,
sa ginawa mo ay nahanap mo ang tunay na ligaya.

ngunit, netong nakaraang mga araw.
nakita ko ang mga nakita ng idolo ko.
mga katotohanang pilit niyang ikinwento nung kami pa ay kolehiyo
gamit ang mga salitang balot ng matatamis na euphemismo.

naunawaan ko,
nais niyang kami ay magising sa katotohanan ngunit kulang ang aming kaalaman nuon para siya ay maintindihan.

ngayon, nakita ko na nga at naintindihan ang kanyang ibig ipahiwatig.

malinaw na malinaw.

at dahil dito,ako ay malungkot dahil tama si emil.

ganun pala yun.

ang mapait na katotohanan.

salamat idolo ko dahil hinde lamang fundamentals ng political science ang natutunan ko kundi kung papaano lumaban sa karera ng buhay mo at pano bumangon kahit nalaman mo na nga ang masakit na katotohan.

kampay!

My Stand On Religion

No Ma'am, I am not religious. I don't go to mass often. I don't even pray the rosary nor recite the Lord's Prayer. But, i believe in Him. I believe that He is there and, foremost, I believe that I have a personal relationship with him. A relationship that need not be known nor shown to people. It will defeat the whole purpose of religion. I am neither an atheist nor a fanatic. I am a believer. I am neither a practicing Catholic nor a non-practicing one. I just simply see it the other way, that religion, unlike politics, is not a public affair. For centuries, people have been judged by their faith. Jews were persecuted just for the mere belief of one man that they are of inferior race. How pathetic. That one man's insecurity will lead to a loss of millions of lives. My point? We each have our own differences and practising your faith in contrast with the other does not make you a lesser human being.It just manifests your choice on how to give reverence to the Almighty. The greatest Being of all.

A Fitting Tribute to My Coffee

I found my freedom with My Coffee.
Freedom bound with limitations,
but freedom still.

It was getting so addictive,
so wanting;
that it started me thinking..
to think of an escape from thiis
blissful addiction.

A year passed and it left me sober;
sober from My Coffee,
yet wanting for that "high" i used to feel.
It made me realize that
i long for My Coffee.

The Spirit of Freedom

and breathe...just breathe. when are we really free? when we feel "high" inside out? when we try new things? or when we stop and look for the uniqueness in every individual, that in understanding them we are free? Perhaps,the more pressing query is what is your concept of freedom? flying? laughing out loud or being happy with who you are? For me, my concept of it is to understand that freedom is not absolute. It is bounded by limitations that may be written by the law or laid down by your own rational mind. Even with the presence of restrictions and stringent rules, when you understand the whole "meaning" behind it. For what is a curfew given to a teenager, for what are the reminders of parents. In understanding the purpose of one's actions, one is free. Another concept is that of relativity, of ideas, convictions and principles. I may differ from the other. I will strongly disagree with one's idea. Still, it is his being relative and freedom to express it that makes him human. Fully human, fully alive. Although, i am open for my distaste for hypocrisy. For pretentions. But, ironically, i admit to being a hypocrite. For not wanting to face my demons. For not taking the risk I should have done a year ago. I also admit to being pretentious. Pretending of things that normally would bother an ordinary person. Not to say, of course, that i am not ordinary. It is just that, I am open and frank with my dealings but hostile just the same in expressing how i truly feel. I repeat , time and again, I am understood by only a select few. Finally, let me just ask you, are you free?

LFC

Our friendship is not found in any drug. Pano kami ang manufacturer! hehehe. Meet our godmother a.k.a INANG.

Siya ang apo ni Al Capone, Adolf Hitler at Marilyn Monroe. Deadly Combination. Others call her Ria, I call her Inang and Karen calls her Mommy. 23 palang siya pero she acted as our mentor kasi nung college. We followed her path (to stardom?) kaya we are where we are today, sa bahay. We met at LFC. Yung tambayan na ang membership ay exclusive pero hindi kami frat. ayaw namin yun. corny. We promote Peace. sumasama kami sa mga pulis mag patrol kapag gabi. Huwag mo ng tanungin meaning ng LFC. mahirap isfelingin. Basta, dating doon. Yun ang kumalinga sa mga mura naming mga utak at tamad pumasok na katawan. Unconditional Love. dahil kahit ganun kami nun, bukas ang pintuan ng LFC para sa amin. Pwera lang kung naubusan ng gamot sa utak si Helen ayun gera na. Sino si Helen? siya ang perfect example ng CONSERVE ENERGY. Pagka order namin ng litro ng Pepsi, otomatik na ding naka switch on ang ceiling fan. Sarap ng ihip ng hangin, nakakapawi ng tumatagatak na pawis dulot ng balot na uniform. Ahhh....teka, anong nangyari? bakit naka off na yung ceiling fan? Ubos na ang Pepsi. Ganun nga, ganun kabilis ang kamay ni Helen para i off ang ceiling fan-pagkabuhos ng huling patak ng Pepsi siya ring hudyat ng pagka off ng aming ceiling fan. Buhay nga naman. Kapag binagalan naman namin ang aming pag inom ng Pepsi, may memo galing kay Helen. " Bilisan niyo sa Pepsi, kelangan ko yung bote". Walang kawala kay Helen the daga. hehehe! ayun, imbento ko lang yung daga. Anong ginagawa namin sa mga oras namin sa LFC? actually, napaka productive namin. Merong gumagawa (o nagkakat-ta) ng assignment sa major niya, deadline na nasa intro palang siya. Meron namang umiiyak, nag break na daw sila after 2 years. Yung isa naman, nanliligaw at umaasang may matatawag na siyang honey kinaumagahan. At sa kabilang dako, may gambling na nagaganap. SHIFT POINT. mamiso ang taya.. sali ka? calculator lang kelangan. Mukhang bistado niyo na mga naglalaro. Sino ba lageng nagdadala ng calculator? hehe. Kahit ganun kami nuon, masaya ang buhay namin lalo na kapag Foundation Days at Valentine's Day. Yan ang mga pista ng LFC. Kung may oktoberfest ang ibang bansa, eto ang beerfest namin. Dito namin nagagamit ang skills namin sa patintero. Nakikipag patintero kami sa mamang guard para makapasok sa gate. VICTORY! nakapasok kami. Wag ka nang maingay.. umpisa na ng battle of the bands.Kami lang dapat maingay. bakit, lasing ka ba?

Siksik, Liglig at Umaapaw

Last summer, while I was applying (and waiting) for a job at various companies at habang sumasaydlayn ng pagtitinda ng bote't diyaryo, we had a tradition. We called it TUESDAYS.

My friends and I got together every Tuesday( obviously). No need for texts, basta asahan mo yan by 3pm parating na silang lahat. The venue was at our place. Complete attendance pare. Simula pa nung college kami, uso na ang ambagan. Pepsi? ambagan. Yosi? ambagan. pati spout! hehehe.(sumalangit nawa ang kaluluwa ni Helen). So, yun nga mabalik tayo sa kwento ko. Kapag andiyan na yan, otomatik isang kaha ng Red Horse kaagad para may paunang sipa. ang pulutan mapa kornik (kapag tagtuyot sa pera) o mapa liempo (kapag bumabagyo ng pera).

Meet our tanggera:

Yan si ate Shey. ang pinaka the best na tanggera aside from Tina ang pinaka matibay na tanggera sa lahat. haha! Siyempre, lageng present yan si ate shey. At habang palalim ng palalim ang inuman, pataas din ng pataas ang tagay niya. siyempre, wala kaming karapatang mangwestiyon. Siya tanggera eh! Drinking is an art at hindi basta basta ang science of tagay. Pinag aaralan talaga yan ng ilang taon. Kung di mo na naitatanong may doctorate na sa tagayan si ate shey. Someday, ako din. hehehe! Moving on, (kelangan talaga ng mga transitions para kunwari marunong ako sa English)

Meet ang aming tagabili ng pulutan:

yan si Dan John, siyempre best friends sila ng tanggera namin para masarap timpla ng inuman. May secret ingredient ang mga pulutan. OO tama ka, pulutan is an art. Si dan john juris pulutan na ang degree niyan (sa mga di uminom, it means isa na siyang ekspert). Alam na niya ang timpla at panlasa ng bawat barkada. Kung may isang lalake man na nakakakilala saken (sa totoong ako) si Dan John yun. Kumbaga, siya ang best boy friend ko (baliktad ata?) ang kaso di ako naniniwala sa pagkakaroon na best friend kaya PAR nalang. Alam na niya likom ng bituka namin ni Karen at ganun din sa kanya. Naiyak nga ako nung sabi niya," I'm happy I have with me two of the best ladies of my life", nung bday niya yan. Sniff sniff! Anyway, pakibatukan nga ako kung saan saan nanaman ako napadpad.

Eto naman, meet Ms. Matinik a.k.a Walking Sex Appeal:

Eto si ate Milen. ang babaeng konpyusd pero babae pa din. hehehe! Forever a student at super tahimik na tao pero tunay na kaibigan to the bones. Lage din siyang present sa Tuesdays namin. Kaya siya walking sex appeal kasi kahit di nagsasalita ang lakas ng dating. ehem tested and proven. Siya ang OIC tanggera kapag absent si ate shey. Naka masters na din kasi.

Pagpatak ng mga alas singko, ubos na ang isang kaha. Waiter! este Kuya isa pang kaha. Ayan, may amats na. ngingisi lang yung iba, habang meron nang humahagalpak sa tawa. Mga laman ng kwentuhan tungkol sa buhay buhay. Kung anong gusto namin sa buhay. Sabi nung isa,matulog. I agree! dapat siya nalang ang gawing bayani ng pinas. Ang lalim ng pangarap niya sa buhay. Teka ha itagay ko muna, ang lalamunan ko'y uhaw na. Haba kasi ng kwento eh. Glok glok. hrrmm...

Ok, sige eto na ako ulit. Saan na ba tayo? ahh oo yung sa kwentuhan. Well, sa totoo lang di naman puro tawanan ang nangyayari kapag Tuesdays, meron ding drama at action. Nagkakaroon ng drama at action kapag ang mga batas na aming sinusunod ay nababayoleyt. Pero, minimal at under control 'ika nga. Kasi naman, basta lablayp na ang usapan ayan at pang FPJ at Judy ann na ang kwento o mas matindi pa. Takte! teka, naubusan daw ng para sa pangatlong kaha. Alas nwebe na, bilis noh? update: wala pang lupasay samin. Mga tambay sa bilyar nagtataka na sa lakas ng resistensya namin sa alak. Kanina pa pala sila nag aabang ng may matutumba. Good observers daw talaga ang mga tambay. In short, miron. Sa kabilang dako ng mundo, nagawan na namin ng paraan yung pangatlong kaha. May ice naman pala. Kinabahan ako dun, nagpalpitate ako ng husto. Buti nalang...andiyan si batman. So, papano? wala pakong balak tapusin tong kwento. Tagay ko na raw eh. Sa susunod na martes ulit.

BTW eto na, ang BARKADA: (actually, kulang pa)

What A 'Git.

I'm loving the weather! the only downside is, nakakatamad. hehehe! Okay, an update with my life this past week. We had a seminar on E-Learning which got me hyped in creating a multiply site for my students-handouts,etc.-. I figured since I have my own connection at home why not take advantage of it and post hand outs for easier access. "At nang hindi puro Friendster inaatupag mo", quoted from the great inang. hehehe! Anyway,'nuff said on E-Learning. My weekend was a mixture of hyperactivity! What a 'git. LOL. (in short,tamad akong mag blog ngayon. hahaha)

Let me walk in my own pace..i'll catch up when i'm ready.

I was able to search this via Google and I have to agree with the author. Our generation is so caught up and limited to two poles-one night stands and serious relationships-that we have forgotten of the middle ground which is casual dating. The kind wherein you go out, have fun and hang out but no commitment is given. You are given the chance and the choice to assess the situation while getting to know the person more through his company. Of course, it has to be communicated to the other person, so as not to be unfair, at the onset of the dating stage that that is your intention. I am twisted, different and complex. I am only understood by a certain few, i wish to be one of the crowd..to accept commitment as it is but I can't. Hindi ko kaya.. i am so used to my independence that I cannot (rather refuse) to adust to changes in my life. It is unfair. I am unfair. However, i cannot pretend to be who I am not. I was never ready and I am not ready now. I'm sorry...



OPINION
What ever happened to casual dating?
By Daniel Zauber Guest Columnist

Published: Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
Remember when dating used to be fun? Yeah, me neither. Dating for our generation has lost its appeal because it is difficult for dates these days to be casual. A short-lived commitment, a casual date was a time-honored tradition of courtship which provided social codes for guy-girl interactions. Without such codes, definitions of boy-girl liaisons today are ill-defined and dating as a result has become perplexing and misunderstood. Casual dating is tremendously valuable for a healthy dating climate and by understanding its benefits, perhaps our generation can reconstitute it appropriately for today's mores.
A casual date is an evening, a meal, or a get-together of some kind in which there is no expectation of further commitment on either side. Although one side may desire a further relationship, it is understood that both parties are free to sample the company of each other and are as equally free to terminate any sense of relationship as well. With casual dating boundaries and expectations are defined and understood by both parties. Kissing on the first date is perhaps the only boundary open to interpretation.
Today not enough guys understand casual dating because they do not allow dates to remain casual. Guys do not permit casual dating because they presumptuously assume they have landed a girlfriend if a girl agrees once to a date. Predictably, girls become reluctant to accept dates because they do not think they will be able to remove themselves from a guy's fancy if things do not work out. Understandably, this drastically curtails dating because girls may find it easier to politely decline rather than put themselves in a potentially sticky situation.
Besides regulating expectations for first dates, casual dating is doubly great because it gets people out. Like AOL Instant Messenger, casual dating benefits by a principle of Network Externalities: Not only do you benefit by being on the network, but everyone else on the network benefits by being able to access you too. In this manner, one date spurs other dates as guys and girls intermingle at restaurants, movies and shows and become acquainted with new social circles through their one-evening companions.
One must admit that the 'Street' attracts only a certain social slice of the University and because many fine singles do not go to the Street, they are not linked into the dating network. As a result, our dating pools are too often restricted to our residential college or eating club, thus hindering the healthy cross-fertilization on which casual dating thrives.
Our generation is apprehensive about casual dates because the downsides of bad dates are more popularized than the benefits of being on the dating network in general. We should admit that although a few casual dates will end sour, we all benefit by dating and being connected to the dating network. We've all had awful precepts and preceptors occasionally, but on the aggregate we benefit by going to precept. And yes, some of us have even ended up dating our preceptor.
To reinvent casual dating, I advocate the double date to be the catalyst. Double dating makes dates less formal and less awkward if the evening turns unpleasant. For those who do not wish to partake in 'Street' life, double dating will get them out instead of languishly IMing in their dorm rooms late into the night. Double dating with friends already in a steady relationship is also great because it allows you to see your attached-at-the-hip friends who have inevitably vanished into "couplehood" and tend to neglect their old friends.
Relationships today are too polarized between one-night stands and attached-at-the-hip couples. I yearn for a middle ground where casual dating is the norm and guys and girls can interact intimately without an assumption of commitment. Although I admit casual dating is not as needed today as decades ago, we should admit that today's dating scene is frustrating and at times depressing. Dating for us will certainly not be as extensive as our parents' generation but it doesn't mean we can't improve the current climate.

GOOD FOOD+GOOD COMPANY and one hell of a TRIP.

Just got back from my second day from school, Obligations and Contracts. we tackled articles 1156-1159 of the Civil Code. Petiks muna, first day eh, pero our professor already gave us articles to read. ayan na! umpisa na..hay! buhay law school. pressure mounting but addictive. After my class, we went to eat out @ Crown's. yung bagong bukas na resto sa may Ugac Highway, the food was heavenly! it was so good!! Plus i was with my friends and ehem, hehe. complete meal from rice meals to dessert, or should i say agawan ng dessert. lol! : D my order was a slice of blueberry cheesecake, tiramisu yung isa and sans rival. Imagine, four people sharing(or rather,unahan) sa sans rival. It was fun. so childish to think the resto was plush but who cares? good food + good people = perfect recipe. We thought the night would end there but lo and behold while ate carol was maneuvering, we saw Pepe Smith walking along the roadside. Nung una, we just rolled down our windows and yelled " IDOL!" then we figured why not ask for a picture with him, he's a legend for crying out loud! SO, we went looking for him. Where else? Traffic Jam, of course. The man is so tall. Of course, no gushing or blushing here folks, we just asked for a picture with him and off we go (with smile on our faces!). We were shy at first but what the heck! One time lang. LOL! It is a good night... ; D

Buhay ng estudyante

tatayo nanaman ang mga tamad para magbanat ng buto,pilit gigising sa liwanag na hiwatig ng panibagong yugto. bago ang lapis at papel ngunit pagkatao'y naiwang himbing sa pagtulog. hindi parin dilat sa katotohanan ng umagang walang kasiguruhan. ayaw paring tanggapin ang nakaraa'y limot na. mga pangyayari ay tapos na at wala ng babalikan pa. babangon sa umaga na balot ng problema at sitwasyon, mga sitwasyong kelangan ng madaliang solusyon at mabibigat na desisyon na siyang huhulma o sisira sa mga pangarap. ano nga ba ang pangarap mo? yan ang tanong mo sa sarili mo.. meron nga ba? o sumusunod ka lang sa mga idinidikta ng mga puno at ng hangin sa paligid mo? saan ka pupulutin? alam nila kung saan sila patutungo, ikaw alam mo ba? mahirap maging matanda, ngunit mas mahirap tumanda ng walang direksyon. tama na ang pangongopya, pati pangalan ng katabi mo naisulat mo na. ikaw ba siya? yan ang isipin mo, kaibigan mo man siya, hindi ikaw siya. mag desisyon ka. saan mo ba talaga gustong pulutin? sa isang karerang masaya ka o sa karerang tinahak mo dahil sa dikta ng mga puno at hangin sa paligid mo?

hindi pa huli ang lahat.tara, mag kape muna tayo