Complications

"i don't wanna wait for our lives to be over.." hmm... i asked for three days to think and hybernate. so, i'm on my second day but I still haven't decided what to do. i'm just NUMB to it all. and i just want another smoke. take note hindi ako smoker, that's how depressed I am right now. = ( I honestly don't want ro decide on anything right now. gusto ko lang routine lahat sana muna.. and sana he just won't come back after those three days para minsanang bagsak nung sakit. mas madali ang recovery ko nun. I had only loved twice life so far. That was before him. Now, he is my third. Hindi kasi ako kaagad naiinlove sa isang tao. Ngayon lang nanaman ako tinamaan since 07. ewan ko... i'm not in the mood to write. till next time. bye

Hybernation

i love him. of course he doesn't love me back. classic! i am not really in the mood to write a "normal" blog and really you wouldn't understand some or most parts of this paper. This is my random brain at work. Simply put, i am hurt. This is my outlet. I remember inang mumbling about low class mortals. haha! you got that right. We are officially a magnet don't you agree? Worse, of the opposite gravity. Nice! Science and technology could never explain this. Nor do we really give a damn if they do. Most probably by then, we're smoking cigs and feeling better. Ah life! How we love roller coasters! The funniest and most insane thing there is it's FREE! haha. Before I mumble further, i love you my friends. You're the most predictable weather there is. Of this part,I am utterly blessed. Remember, i love you all for that. So, yes i love him! i am fucking inlove. And i do not know what to do. I haven't felt this thing since 2007. Those darn butterflies are back. How do i keep them off? when i feel the waves of his heart are not parallel to mine. = (
Hindi ko ito kayang daanin sa tatlong araw tulad ng dati. And honestly I do not know how to continue writing this.. help me?

Set It Off Like Napalm

I'm missing someone.. it was a short stay, but a stay nevertheless. Too busy (or, in his words beecee) to text or call him paano pagod na pag uwi ng bahay. I MISSED HIM. yun lang... tagal naman niya mag reply. hmmm....

Let me walk in my own pace..i'll catch up when i'm ready.

I was able to search this via Google and I have to agree with the author. Our generation is so caught up and limited to two poles-one night stands and serious relationships-that we have forgotten of the middle ground which is casual dating. The kind wherein you go out, have fun and hang out but no commitment is given. You are given the chance and the choice to assess the situation while getting to know the person more through his company. Of course, it has to be communicated to the other person, so as not to be unfair, at the onset of the dating stage that that is your intention. I am twisted, different and complex. I am only understood by a certain few, i wish to be one of the crowd..to accept commitment as it is but I can't. Hindi ko kaya.. i am so used to my independence that I cannot (rather refuse) to adust to changes in my life. It is unfair. I am unfair. However, i cannot pretend to be who I am not. I was never ready and I am not ready now. I'm sorry...



OPINION
What ever happened to casual dating?
By Daniel Zauber Guest Columnist

Published: Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
Remember when dating used to be fun? Yeah, me neither. Dating for our generation has lost its appeal because it is difficult for dates these days to be casual. A short-lived commitment, a casual date was a time-honored tradition of courtship which provided social codes for guy-girl interactions. Without such codes, definitions of boy-girl liaisons today are ill-defined and dating as a result has become perplexing and misunderstood. Casual dating is tremendously valuable for a healthy dating climate and by understanding its benefits, perhaps our generation can reconstitute it appropriately for today's mores.
A casual date is an evening, a meal, or a get-together of some kind in which there is no expectation of further commitment on either side. Although one side may desire a further relationship, it is understood that both parties are free to sample the company of each other and are as equally free to terminate any sense of relationship as well. With casual dating boundaries and expectations are defined and understood by both parties. Kissing on the first date is perhaps the only boundary open to interpretation.
Today not enough guys understand casual dating because they do not allow dates to remain casual. Guys do not permit casual dating because they presumptuously assume they have landed a girlfriend if a girl agrees once to a date. Predictably, girls become reluctant to accept dates because they do not think they will be able to remove themselves from a guy's fancy if things do not work out. Understandably, this drastically curtails dating because girls may find it easier to politely decline rather than put themselves in a potentially sticky situation.
Besides regulating expectations for first dates, casual dating is doubly great because it gets people out. Like AOL Instant Messenger, casual dating benefits by a principle of Network Externalities: Not only do you benefit by being on the network, but everyone else on the network benefits by being able to access you too. In this manner, one date spurs other dates as guys and girls intermingle at restaurants, movies and shows and become acquainted with new social circles through their one-evening companions.
One must admit that the 'Street' attracts only a certain social slice of the University and because many fine singles do not go to the Street, they are not linked into the dating network. As a result, our dating pools are too often restricted to our residential college or eating club, thus hindering the healthy cross-fertilization on which casual dating thrives.
Our generation is apprehensive about casual dates because the downsides of bad dates are more popularized than the benefits of being on the dating network in general. We should admit that although a few casual dates will end sour, we all benefit by dating and being connected to the dating network. We've all had awful precepts and preceptors occasionally, but on the aggregate we benefit by going to precept. And yes, some of us have even ended up dating our preceptor.
To reinvent casual dating, I advocate the double date to be the catalyst. Double dating makes dates less formal and less awkward if the evening turns unpleasant. For those who do not wish to partake in 'Street' life, double dating will get them out instead of languishly IMing in their dorm rooms late into the night. Double dating with friends already in a steady relationship is also great because it allows you to see your attached-at-the-hip friends who have inevitably vanished into "couplehood" and tend to neglect their old friends.
Relationships today are too polarized between one-night stands and attached-at-the-hip couples. I yearn for a middle ground where casual dating is the norm and guys and girls can interact intimately without an assumption of commitment. Although I admit casual dating is not as needed today as decades ago, we should admit that today's dating scene is frustrating and at times depressing. Dating for us will certainly not be as extensive as our parents' generation but it doesn't mean we can't improve the current climate.

Old Poem (Untitled)

This is an old poem (if you can consider it one) that i wrote last year or was it just a few months back? anyway, it doesn't matter. some of it still reflects my current mood although the person is long dead figuratively. hahaha! i know better than to stick around. refer to my other blog: commitment phobe for details on that topic. please do leave comments. thanks! so, here goes:

I'm broke.
My pride crushed.
Wounded.
I lay here,drunk,
not wanting to feel the pain.
The loss.
Tomorrow,
another day to get drunk,
another day to forget.
This is what love does.
Cruel.

I am fine,physically.
Breathing.
Eating.
Sleeping.
Yet, something's amiss.
That fucking cycle called
LOVELIFE.
Whoever invented that shit
ought to be killed a million times over.

Love is a risk,
love is beautiful,
he will come in due time.
Blah blah.
All trash.
At the end of the day,
in spite of the risk you took--
you are left hanging.
You're left dead.
Not knowing how to
resuscitate yourself from
the grave you just buried
yourself into.

Ironically, when you somehow
figure something out on
how to move on--
a certain someone comes along.
What do you know?
You end up being buried again
in a fresh and newly dug grave.
And so it begins....